I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
