Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
