thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
