My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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