It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if only i could text you this smell
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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