i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
