it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
