Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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