I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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