I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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