Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I deserve this hangover.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
