i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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