If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
