You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
