Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
