If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
