dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
