She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
