His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
