I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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