i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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