drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
