smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
