He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
