Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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