Yo dont text me then not text me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
