cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize