Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
