Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
