Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize