Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
