you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
