Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
