How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
