my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
