so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
