there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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