broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
