Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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