I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
