are you still at the devil's house?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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