My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
