Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
