I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
