i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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