The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
