You just made me feel so damn special
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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