I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
