as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
