so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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