I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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