Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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