im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
