He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
no, he came in my armpit
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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