your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it's like iHOP with fire
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
