i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
