its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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