atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
