Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize