we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
soo... how was my night?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
