the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
