dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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