I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
