i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
