She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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