Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
