and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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