I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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