I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
