I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
