We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I got inside last night via doggy door
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
