You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
