come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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